I can be a social media junkie from time to time, and I couldn’t get away from the headlines about P. Diddy’s video savagely attacking and beating his former girlfriend, Cassie. Readers, please know that this is not a blog about gossip or celebrity news, but the topic has been lingering in my brain.
I watched the CNN released video, and I was shaken. The brutality was striking, and I could only think of the violent ordeal she must have been experiencing behind closed doors. Cassie responded with an Instagram post thanking everyone for their love and support and urging folks to believe victims the first time. There was one line in her post that stopped me in my tracks. She said “With a lot of hard work, I am better today, but I will always be recovering from my past.”
The emphasis on “always recovering from my past” is profound. I think about the traumas from my past, and I dream of the day when I will finally be “over it.” But Cassie’s deliberate use of the phrase ‘always recovering’ shows that we’re never really “over it.” There will always be triggers, flashes, reminders, or swept up memories that will remind us of the past.
Just a few days ago, I walked to the train station with a pep in my step because I had a great day at work, and I was enjoying the warm weather. And then, I got on the train and there was a smell that took me back to a memory in my past. The quick scent reminded me of the smell of a home of a guy that I was seeing a while ago. I sat down, and I was paralyzed for a short while. I found a seat, and I was instantly back in that moment, and I was like a little statue sitting there on the train. I relived the moment, and the feelings of fear and anxiety came flooding back. I had to tell myself a little story to say how awful indeed that time was, but to also flip it on its head and remind myself that I was in a way better place. It took a minute, but I soon returned to that little pep in my step.
The lesson I’m gleaning from this is…we should cozy up and become partners in our pain. The pain and problem is not going away, but surely it will be dimmed and conquered in a way. It’s in our human nature to run away from pain simply because it doesn’t “feel good.” What if we didn’t run away? If we will “always be recovering,” what if we got close to our problems, approached them, talked about it, and just dealt with it. I believe with hard work; we can lessen the pain and get to a point where we can share what the pain has shown us with others.
What’s been working for me lately is actually speaking out loud how I feel when I’m alone. Yes, I talk to myself. It can be odd but it’s freeing. I think that’s what they mean when they talk about cultivating a relationship with yourself.
All in all, I notice that bloggers comment on Cassie’s new relationship, her marriage, her two children, the building of her family and point to her recovery. But remember, she said that she would “always be recovering.” Although she looks somewhat healed, we’re never fully healed on this side of things. So, the advice I give to myself is to simply become a partner in my pain and ask it what it's trying to show me.
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