Go where it's Safe

Often, life feels like a whirlwind between balancing work, family, me, etc. And in that whirlwind, I’ve done many things to self-soothe in ways that are healthy and in ways that are not. I realized that in order to catch my breath, I must go where it’s safe.

Safe is where I can:

-Confess my fears…the silly/light ones and the deep dark ones

-Place where I can cuss

-Tell the dirty truth (the ones like “I hate when I don’t appear strong or “I feel less than when”)

-Where I can rest

-Place where I can dream

-Play the “If only this would happen” game

My safe place used to be when I got some quiet time. But now, it can be as quick as a moment, and it’s not relegated to a place.  And now that I’m older (and a little more wise), I recognize the safe place is where God will meet me. Sometimes I pray. Sometimes I say nothing at all. I’m grateful that the Bible says that even when I don’t utter a word that God knows my moans and groans. Now in my life, I recognize the necessity of going where it’s safe to reflect, rest, and recharge. 

So when the outside world gets heavy, and my insecurities show up without words…I know I have a safe place to go to. And that safe place is within me. So, I fold within myself and find out what my soul is saying and what my heart is echoing. 

I’ve heard two great thinkers say you should be able to have a place within you that is clean and another that says you are safest when you are at home with yourself. I love that--clean and at home. Two things that bring me peace.

A quick break from the post: Lately, I’m in my safe place, and I ask God “Are you even listening…I’m not hearing a thing.” But, let me reassure you (really I’m reassuring myself), If you read the book of Job in the Bible, he cries out to God and his friends in a time that seems like FOREVER. And finally, God shows up. Simply put--he will eventually show up. The point is he shows up. It’s a promise…it will happen. So when I get impatient, I think about Job. 

Back to the post: I want to share with you an inner dialogue I had in my safe place recently.

Story-Time:

I shared a perspective with a co-worker (I’ll call him Tim), and I could tell that they disagreed strongly with me. I went home that day, and I was a bit torn that Tim did not agree with me. I went into a whirlwind of “What if he doesn’t continue to look at me in a favorable way.” And, I so badly wanted Tim to agree with me and be on the same page as me. I devised a plan in my head on how I could go back to Tim the next day to massage things over with him, so he could be more amenable to my perspective. Because, it kills me when I even have a hint that someone isn't thinking "great" of me. After the whirlwind of these thoughts…I thought “Are you crazy?” Are you really willing to walk back your point of view just to get someone to agree with you.

I had to ask myself…Why do you need them to agree? Why do you fear them more than honoring your position? I sat with those questions—-offering no answers. And my short thought was…why do I fear a person more than honoring the person that God is calling me to be? —Bold, Audacious, Seeker of Justice, Truthful, Vocal, Confident…And this little internal dialogue was making an attempt to steal me away from that calling. I got to the end of all that and said…not today. I’ll choose the new me rather than the old me who shrinks just to keep some semblance of peace.

I realize that inside of me lives the little girl version of myself. Alongside her, is the healed me, the wiser me, the surrendered me. And, there’s a tension between the two. And even though I emerged from the safe place with the choice to choose the new me for that day, I know that I will have to do it again and again and again. It never ends. 

Thankfully, the safe place has allowed me to process and grab the clarity I need. When I go there often, I show up in a way that honors the girl inside me that is just trying to grow up.  I encourage you to simply go where it's safe and get grab the person you know that you were meant to be.

With love,

From Within